One week ago a home 4 blocks from my apt. had a cord of wood they were giving away in their front yard. Using the sensible capitalist logic I so frequently employ, I drive my truck over, take it, and promptly post an ad on craig's list. Yesterday morning I have an email waiting for me from a "Jeff" who is willing to buy the wood. We exchange information, I agree to drive to him the next day. I had a 1/2 a cord and we agreed to deal around 50 bucks.
Sounds good right?
So today I do it, I go out there and meet him. First of all, he calls me two hours late. whatever, money's on the line. he lives in shitville suburbia: south lynnwood right off the I-5. he's big. 6 feet 3. 200 pounds for sure. and he's old. he's grey headed, thick glasses, droopy-wrinkly cheeks. he doesn't say hello, he answers the door in his robe and says "you made it? let me get dressed."
10 minutes later he appears from behind the house, where I can't see him walk up. he's wearing leather gloves and offers to help me, we start with the heaviest piece of wood which we both carry.
He lays it on the line early, the opening shot:
"I'm relieved to be dealing with white people. You know, you said Seattle and I was afraid I was dealing with some mexican or pakistani and you know you can't get good deals with those people you have to play tight with them they try and peel cash off you."
We're 18 inches apart, he's towering over me. We put the wood down, this is the last time he helps with the wood. I'm not wearing gloves. He does not offer his gloves to me, despite not helping. He doesn't go inside. He follows me on each of my twelve trips back and forth to my truck lecturing me. He keeps his hands on his hips and repeatedly makes me pause in between my trips to orate, here are some gems:
on my being a student: "I've got to be honest with you, I just don't think very highly of education. I'm a practical man, I don't want to belittle the jews, but I have an almost jewish sixth sense about the world. I'm a strategist, and that's something they can't teach."
on race: "being white today isn't like it used to be. you have to be careful, you have to look out. I told a young white girl the other day at the burger king I said 'you know you having this job means you're stealing some illegal immigrant's job' I went back there a week later and she wasn't there. Guess she got the message right? Young kid like you probably couldn't get a fast food job if you wanted they all go the mexicans and you know they're not gonna hire a white kid."
"A lot of what I have to say will get people at the U pretty angry I suppose, but you know this is what I tell 'em: 'just because I have a preference for white people doesn't mean I dislike the mexicans or asians, I don't hate them, but nobody sees."
"The white race today is just so degenerate, and it's not just the drugs, or the gangs, or the economy. Just degeneracy."
"I'm like an asian, I only deal in cash."
on my dad being a marine: "Not to speak ill of his service, but I'm anti-marine. They're there to be slaughtered and killed. It's just stupid, they're the first ones out, it's like they're sacrifices. I just don't see any sense in being a marine. Who does it appeal to? Poor southeners, poor white kids, this is the degeneracy I'm talking about."
He's retired army.
on the economy: "None of them, the politicians are brave enough to just come out and tell us. It's in a nose dive, there's nothing we can do. It's all going to fall apart. and next year it'll be three times as bad, in two years it'll be twice as bad again! and you know what it is? It's all the congress people, now I mean senators AND representatives, getting elected, and making millions with all their insider trading just like Martha Stewart did."
This man is also a full time accountant. An accountant willing to accept firewood and cars as payment under the table.
He gave me three business cards and says that referral fees are "standard policy for me." His business cards are microsoft wordpad-typed address on printer paper, scotch taped to casino reject playing cards.
He insists I have 1/3 a cord and wants to pay thirty. He is wrong, I have 1/2 a cord and get him to pay $40. I just want out of there. Before I can go, he briefly reiterates all his views about strategy and his jewish thinking "i'm not a jew though, obviously, I get along with them great though." these sorts of things.
He closes strong. "uh...so one thing I have been looking for are some old .22's or some rifles. I went to some gun shows and shops but i didn't like it. first of all, it's way too expensive, now I'll pay you reasonably but I don't want to pay too much. but it's mostly all the paperwork. The filing, the bureacracy, the red tape, I'd rather not go through with all of that. I'd rather deal one-on-one with someone I think I can trust."
I drove away listening to The Game. As soon as I get home I get in touch with my asian tennis partner and arrange for a few matches with the racist money I had just received.
degeneracy.
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