the progression of my time with the cunt coloring book

clever: amazon actually sells a children's coloring book full of cunts














comedy: amazon's "users also liked" section of cunt coloring book links to "gash photography". which is not pictures of cunts but a wedding photo service that apparently never attended junior high or understood the concept of words having more than one meaning.

hope for the future: the kindle version


also: those 4chan dudes have too much influence


ALSO: the colored cunt and ophrah in the same post was purely coincidental not racism. oprah's great.

Pogo does it again!

:| face

Chalf and Meredith

this post is dedicated to the interactions between those two that I recently witnessed:

new euphemism watch

"Reid refused to answer any questions about the upcoming conference, joking that he plans to go back to Searchlight, Nev., 'and frankly, I'm just going to sit back and watch my rabbits eat my cactus.'"

you sick fuck

mike baiting

peup

http://stewdio.org/pong/

i need to see this

where im frum

genius, sheer genius

this is the best thing I've seen all day, and i've been awake a long fucking time:



via the stranger

also, have you all tried that "next blog" button up at the top? I spent the past half hour there and found mostly religion blogs. what's the deal? google tryin'a convert me? don't they know I'm gettin baha'iiiiiiiii?

constructivism

Does anyone else think it's silly/cute that articles about Esperanto stress that it's a constructed/fake/artificial language?

or that there's people dedicated to celebrating the construction (as opposed to evolution, duh) of languages?

or that those people (called conlagists--CONstructed LAnGuage IST {get it?!? it's like they follow some grammatical rules, but not other ones})have their own flag with a tower of babel on it?

or that according to these people there is a distinction between just ordinary constructed languages and languages constructed for artistic purposes (called glossopoeia, thanks JRR Tolkein!!)

Brought to you by google's celebrating LL Zamenhof, and wikipedia--of course.

merry christmas

i want to play.

interesting/random wiki find

check out this list of kids of clergymembers:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_children_of_clergy
There are some surprising ones (Nietzsche? Jung? Alice Cooper? maybe that's not surprising) and some weird trends (what's with all the singers?)

I originally got here looking up the article for "PK" (Preacher's kid) which--due to excluding a couple religions-has a shorter, more concise list:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preacher's_kid

Why was I looking up PK you ask? Well.....

McSweeneys is sometimes hilarious

I AM LOCKING THE WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE ON OUR SEX LIFE.

BY ALAN TROTTER

Dear Josie,

After repeated instances of vandalism and abuse, I have taken the step of locking the Wikipedia article on our sex life. Although I have previously banned both your user account and your home IP address, malicious edits have continued, both anonymously and from newly registered users "alanequalswanker" and "ooohImabigimportantadmin."

I know that's you, Josie.

Neutral point of view is a fundamental principle of Wikipedia, and no one with a neutral perspective could claim that, over the six months during which we were engaged in a sexual relationship, my performance was "lackluster," "uninspired," or "noob-ish" (or, indeed, "noobian"). Nor could the physical intimacy we shared—which at the time you clearly found extremely satisfying—be objectively described as "unsettling [like] watching the films of David Lynch in a car without a working handbrake while parked near the edge of a cliff."

As a result of edits like these, I have been made to repeatedly revert the article to previous versions, where, you might remember, you described the physical act of love between us as "better than [you] imagined [possible]," "really sweet," and "well-intentioned."

Locking the article has also become necessary to prevent the constant reinsertion of a section with the heading "Like a Cowardly Slug That's Just Spotted a Pile of Salt," detailing at length the uncharacteristically unsatisfying night we shared in a Paris hotel last summer. As I made clear several times on the talk page of our sex life, that was a completely unrepresentative occasion and is therefore excluded from the article on the basis of a lack of notability.

I'm sorry that it has been necessary for this article to become one of only a handful of fully protected articles editable only by administrators, but Wikipedia is a serious and worthy endeavor, which you have repeatedly attempted to compromise by means of proxy IP addresses, puppet user accounts, and your bitch friend Carol. This juvenile behavior is unworthy of such a noble project.

Also, the article on "Your Vagina" now redirects to "Your Lonely, Aging Vagina."

All the best,
Alan (admin)

via McSweeneys: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2009/12/10trotter.html

these ads are absurd

and, umm, kinda hot. But the New York Times says the science is bunk...

atheist jokes

robby, you are an enigma

But on a serious note, I googled the phrase "why did the atheist cross the road" and this was the most popular result:
Q: Why did the atheist cross the road?
A: He thought there was a sidewalk on the other side, but he wouldn't believe it until he tested his hypothesis

That's retarded. Atheists aren't defined by staunch positivism. If they are atheists, the road should probably represent a more interesting challenge than "what's over there?" Perhaps the road could represent death or a boundary around a sacred place. Meredith, make a joke that is better than this utter shit.

whoops

:(

lol

:)

the magic of devlin

also, scar wars:

you guys are all sooo fukt

I used to rock at pokemon. ur screwed.

that's just the way she goes

stick with it, it's kind of genius

especially funny

WANT

Dick In Ass

derp

context humor

ya mon

mom!, r2d2 is in star trek

found these while watching both films frame by frame




the second one is a little more questionable
Source:
http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/buzz-log-r2-d2-star-trek.html
http://gizmodo.com/5386296/r2+d2-caught-in-transformers-2

Break time!

As much as I despise long lists of stupid one-liners that get forwarded around, I have thought all of these things at some point in my life:
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
- 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook are people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with
- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

Robby is a douche

Also, he totally didn't want to have a foursome this weekend. wuss.

spencer will love

heh

oops

WTF

precious 2

Po-po-poker biscuit

BISCUIT!

singin in the deathstar

agua

Meredith will love

Bohemian Gonzo

precious!

by sapphire

I'm at the exploding pizza hut

I'm at the exploding taco bell.

heh

nom

i love this guy. convict me without the holdup note, bitches!

OH SHIT!

check this out:



Also...the police have been looking for a cop killer in my neighborhood all day. There was even a dude with body armor and a handgun at the park across the street offering to help the cops "flush the guy out." He wasn't there.

no homo

for the holidays

and for chalfant

how to post a re-post, a guide --or-- Spencer will love this

The picture of Obama riding a unicorn is not news.

However this link has pictures that are pretty funny by the same guy. Including my personal fave, the nude Michelle Obama with a dolphin. (search term payday right there!)

watch this on an HD screen--if you can

it'll rock your shit. my favorites are the ones where the stars move, the one in the car, and the one on the airplane.

Time-Lapse Favs from Chad Richard on Vimeo.

in case no one knows how to use facebook...

I stole this from Dentler. Bears are sweet.

take that, pig!

you've got a kitty all up in yo' shit!

this is cute. check out the customer images and user reviews on this sweet desk that you can attach to your steering wheel.

genius

also...inevitable??

Chalf???

Chalf: are you in seattle?

Or is there another "erik the red" getting ready to attempt to break the world record in bacon eating?

http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2009/11/18/a-chat-with-erik-the-red-denmark-on-the-eve-of-his-attempt-to-win-the-world-record-for-competitive-bacon-eating

goth charm school

in case you were wondering, yes, it does exist.

Truth

Library Jokes

This. Horrifying. Event. took place inside the library I work for.

This TV episode uses the library as the butt of most of it's jokes. Can I get a butt me?

more pogo

i've had this stuck in my head all day

bing advertising potential

is everyone's auto-complete search racist? or is it based on my prior searches or something


even though we know its the anniversary of the berlin wall falling we're gonna stick with the count as the google doodle

things i want

want. more stuff from people that have never heard of the internet. (despite owning http://omfg.com/)


want.dragon bag.
















want. bearskin sleeping bag.

Bill Groundhog's Day fuckin' Murray

today is a day for smirking

call me when her inevitable porn career starts**

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

sixth sense

this is kind of long, but it's badass.

a few things

1: add this to the list of gifs that definitively prove arod is a homo













2: check out this guy's dance moves. he pulls out the big guns at around 0:35

this explains it!

"Rubio’s race is one that many on the right point to as the next New York 23, a contest where conservatives and tea party activists are in open revolt about Crist and the national party’s decision to endorse him despite his embrace — literally — of President Barack Obama and his stimulus package during a Florida visit in February."

how did i miss this

http://www.lulu.com/content/4956212
"please do not add semen to your guests' food without informing them beforehand"

robby will love this

Bosnian hookup

that mime thing is awesome

black and wtf

also: something for tha ladiez














Also: check out this badass.

excuse me while I brag

but I have 420 friends on teh facebook.

also, MAKE SOME NOISE Y'ALL

heh

progression of my enjoyment of a website

(1) ha! someone sent a petition to the DMV asking them to rescind females' licenses
(2) and 116 people signed it
(3) and they are all just an online fight between 'allie' and 'kyle'
(4) "kyle, i don't have sex, duh, Virgin4Lyfffe"
(5) porn pop ups
(6) porn

drunkest guy ever daft punk remix

oh shit

balls

lolz

check this shit out

money shot @ 1:33

AND

this shit is fucked up

Check this out

This guy, posing as a young boy, sends letters to serial killers and other famous people asking them whether he should drop out of school and then posts their responses on his blog. This is how Charles Manson replied:


Exhibit A, written on the back of a picture of a barn: "I bet you don't remember this. You don't even know where it's at HAHA I got you there."



























Exhibit B: Find out why the LA Times hasn't sent my newspaper!
easy easy eassy

I've already seen everything

we'll all love this

pretty sure this about wraps it up.

Captain Missing Sandwhich

I present to you a goldmine and a silvermine.

internet trend watch - combination pizza hut and taco bell?

stick with it

this is some funny shit

nobody will love this

but me

at least wait until 1:38 before you stop it.
mbeebmaabmoobmaab

also, my new favorite search term used to find DIA: photo of braces getting stuck in dick

this slew me

On that note, whoever wrote the monotonal two-note jingle for expedia (dot coommm) deserves a nobel. Everytime I hear a url i think, "dot commm." The problem is that i don't remember the expedia part because it's not even really in the jingle. If the url was dotcom.com, it would be perfect.

Did anyone else see this? meredith?

Jon Stewart totally steals a Meredith joke:



also, did you know you can embed specific parts of a video from hulu? It's awesome.

BULLY DOLPHINS:


ps props to spencer.

does anyone else get to watch Current TV? I didn't know Target Women was actually on tv. Did you know marge simpson is on the playboy cover? She's not nude inside though, which is a fucking travesty. Fox and Playboy can both suck my nuts for not having any of their own. Also, check out this Tweet from up-and-coming Disney records songstress Selena Gomez.
Also, this is nice:

quick question

did anyone else get a call last night from one publicly nude samallen?

dot cock

people in the cook islands must be giggling 24/7, look at their domain abbreviation
http://www.google.co.ck/
http://www.trashbat.co.ck/
http://www.radio.co.ck/
http://www.whitepages.co.ck/

cook island registry has already crushed my dreams tho:
"Domains considered profane, e.g. 'blow.co.ck', 'mybig.co.ck', etc, will not be considered on any level, and the application will be dissolved with the applicant being notified, and future requests for the same domain name will be ignored."

I can do the .gif thing too

also

you should probably read this


lol.

do you have a sub woofer?

If not, don't bother playing this song.

Bubs, gurl.

one for robby.


one for me.


And one for meredith.


..and for everyone else.
Stop making that duck face.

stolen from b3ta

This

This shit right here is the tits.

Also, look! We got an Evony ad! No boobs though.

Help for Spencer

since I know you'll eventually get hungry, I got you something to eat

Help for Robby

in case you missed it.

If you build it, I will come. to read your weird fucking stories.

apathy

"I ain't got gills! Why I gotta be worried 'bout the deep blue?!"

Praise

Yesterday I went to the Chicago BBQ and asked for a suggestion on what to eat. "Windy city chicken" it's like a cheesesteak with chicken. I asked "but I'm sick, how will it mesh with my cold?" the man said: "..uh.it'll prolly knock it out to tell you the truth." I said let's do it. I bring it home and unwrap it and cheesy peppers and onions and delicious chicken start spilling everywhere. I power through the sandwich and fries, a meal so full and delicious it puts me to sleep. When I woke up, it was like I was never sick at all.

amazing.

ahahahahahahaha

HILARIOUS

self pity

worst sickness ever.

dry cough, soreness, fever. my ears, nose, and throat (which are normally my downfall) are fine, of course.

duhh

RALLY!

From the "you might be an alcoholic" pamphlet I was given this morning:

"The first drink serveth for health; the second for pleasure; the third for shame; the fourth for madness"

--Sir Walter Raleigh.

The new local

I'm adjusting to local advertising. This place is about 10 minutes from my place.

Courtesy of the latest b3ta newsletter

Pee Wee's Big Adventure

is seriously some of the funniest shit I've ever seen.



the bath tub scene:



sooo many gags..

lolz

Sacred Ground from Protect Marriage Washington on Vimeo.

seriously though, don't do that.

Last stumble, I swear.

moar

Siiiick.

Have you guys heard about how we're going to fucking crash a couple of rockets into the moon? I'm stoked to stumble the pictures like a dozen times. If we find water, we might be able to launch spacecraft from the moon. I would spend every tax dollar on projects like this.

Also: this isn't funny, but it's awesome if you've got a few minutes. I would actually kind of want to buy it, but posters that require this much reading are for douchebags. Like that trainspotting poster with the typo in it. Throw it away right now.

I'd hit it

Funktionide Part II from eltopo on Vimeo.

spencer will love this

Ok bear with me

Yes, it's a Japanese freeform jazz performance, but seriously; this woman is fucking my shit.

Hey

Did anyone see the latest Family Guy? Spot-on temple of doom reference. Youtube doesn't have it yet and I gave up trying to edit the video myself.

also

flip through this shit, I triple dog dare you

lolz

new challenge for chalf

GW

What an asshole

new app....probably breaks the phone tho

special tongue optimized engine.

Fister...